Skip to main content

“When I Wake Up”

Good Afternoon LADIES,

How are we? I hope each of you is doing Amazing as for me I had to take a moment and blog about something that has been on my mind for the last month or so. (Listen to music while reading)


Here goes: I think Jill Scott said it best in the song, “When I Wake Up” in the opening she says “too much on my mind,” is exactly what I have had going on. So for the last month I have felt the pressure of life and wanting to leave AR so bad. I feel that it is so slow and no room for real progression. Really I ultimately miss living in California and I long to be back there. It’s been so unsettling that it almost makes me want to pull out the little spackle of hair that sits upon my head. I try to get busy doing things to find fulfillment or pleasure but even those things only give me the temporary excitement. I often have to ask myself the question really what is it that I’m wanting or feeling that I am missing in life. And the only thing I can think of is true happiness now how do I gain this? All I hear in my ear is what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul. Now with that being said, “That’s deep.” Am I seeking the world to truly gain happiness? You know the killing thing is when you know you are anointed and that God has a call and plan for your life that the test and trials seem that much greater. I am realizing that when you line your life up in total submission of what God has and wants to do for you that is when that feeling of discontentment and wanting to escape will soon fade. I would be wrong to lead you to believe that I seek God in every area of my life which is why my fight seems that much greater. Some make it seem that living a life totally and completely for Christ is an easy task. No Mam and No Sir (in case guys read this, lol) it’s hard as all get out because that feeling of I’m going to miss something or miss out becomes a part of our decision to live completely for him. But when I wake up everything I went through will be BEAUTIFUL. Long story short, main thing that needs to be done is to get out of your head. Ask God what do you have in store for me? Where am I headed? What do you want me to fulfill so that you can get and receive the glory. Remember that Worth It, You Are!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

This is My desire in 2012, How about you?

  Hey Lovely Ladies, Ok so to close out this year I figured I would talk about my view on love because this is what I’m ushering in in the New Year.   2012 will be my year to love, get love, allow love, receive love and most of all give love away to someone special and worthy of it and me.   I have noticed in this month that I have been here with my dad and stepmom that love is not lost and it is out there.   I just can’t continue to cut myself off from it.   My dad has been such a blessing because now I know and get what love is and should be like.   At first my view was so distorted and I felt that in order for a man to love me we had to argue because that would show how much he loved me.   And also because that was some of what I saw as a child growing up with my mom and stepdad.   Dysfunction is what I call it but now as I’m in a home with a couple that has been together for going on 21 years next month and got married after a mo...
1 comment
Read more

Pregnant, I Can't Be!!!

Hey Ladies, Ok, this topic that I want to discuss is in reference to something that happened in my past years ago and for some reason or another God has really been putting it on my heart to speak about it.   You know the first step to getting through and healing from a situation you have to be willing to share your story and one thing you Ladies know is that I don’t have a problem exposing myself.   I want to give a disclaimer now before I even go into it and apologize to any of you if this happens to offend you. So let me take you back to the year 2000.   I was in my senior year of high school and I believe it may have been April when I decided I was going to go to our schools Wellness Clinic to get on Birth Control again.   I remember that day like it was yesterday.   I went and spoke with Mrs.   Mitchell that was at the front desk and said I needed to see the doctor.   She called me back and I remember telling her what I wanted and s...
1 comment
Read more

PORN pays the BILLS!!!

Hello Blessed Ladies, Have any of you ever contemplated or played with the idea of pornography?  Well, for me this thought came to mind a few months back.  Allow me to take you into my world and into my thoughts.  After being here in Cali for 5 months, my mind was really messed up because I was enduring so much struggle just to be here.  I was sleeping on an air mattress that started to deflate as well as using other peoples blankets to keep warm,because I had a light bill that was over $500 due to the fact that I was running my heat, had roaches, facing eviction from my apartment, was not working as much with my freelance job and the search for a job was very discouraging due to the lack of employment here in LA.  I feared that the thought of seriously doing porn would become my reality because I already struggled with this thought before I even left Little Rock.  I kn...
7 comments
Read more