"Everything that Glitters Aint Gold"

Hello Wonderfully Made Ladies,

I know, I know it has been a while since you last heard from me but to be honest and transparent as I always am.  I must say I lost myself for a minute and am just now getting back to ME.

As I am approaching my 30^th Birthday really soon I must say I am  

starting to realize what it’s all about and what I want for my life.  I must admit that love was at the forefront and still is a little but after having a relationship for the last month or so I realized I lost myself, my identity, who I am and whose I am.  I had been out of a relationship for quite a few years so the idea of falling in love again just intrigued me because it was something I was so afraid of all that time before.  And for me when it comes to relationships I have a tendency to give my all from jump which in the end either will leave you in a happy relationship still or heartbroken wondering what did you do wrong.  But we have to understand and realize that this really may not be the case.  We may have wanted something so bad and got exactly what we thought we wanted instead of ultimately waiting on the Lord. 

I remember I sat down and had a talk with my pastor once I got back home and he warned me to not get in a relationship but to spend this time reflecting on everything that had taken place in the last year but all I could think was pastor I am getting old and Love is what I desire and with that being said that is what I pursued.  I allowed myself to lose that very thing that I was trying to get you ladies to hold on too and that was celibacy.  For me I was doing so good holding out and keeping myself out of situations where I wouldn’t compromise in how I felt about maintaining something so precious.  But I fell short and in my falling short I noticed gradually I started to lose me and all God had built up, restored and fixed in me. 

It was no longer about him (GOD), my passion, purpose or destiny but it became more about the MAN; wanting to fulfill and be all that I could to him in hopes of being a wife sooner than later.  NEVER dummy down who you are; your purpose, destiny or passion for anyone.  When you do I realize it takes your power and the very essence of who you are.  We must remember that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image and the apple of his eye.  We should NEVER give so much of ourselves to one person to just end up feeling empty, alone, with regret and wishing you could go back to the way things use to be.  Count it all joy; every experience is a learning one, a growing one.  Start to learn to love and embrace YOU all while letting God be the ruler over your life.  NEVER make someone a priority when clearly you only seem to be there option.  You are WORTH more and MEAN more than that. 

I started to feel misery and that me being home was causing all this because I wasn’t pursing and doing what I loved which is makeup.  I started to fall into the web of deception that the enemy is great at doing.  I began to think that what I wanted to do couldn’t be accomplished here at home but I had to discover that you have to pave the way for yourself.  And if I wanted to bring something new to Little Rock then I shouldn’t allow anything to separate me from it not even a relationship.  You create what you want because the possibilities of doing and being Great are endless.  Just don’t allow anyone or anything to come in and rob you of your focus or dreams.  We can give people or relationships too much of ourselves that we end up lost.

I just want to encourage you to continue to do YOU and spare no expense of the relationship you have with God, your passion, purpose or destiny at the expense of someone else.  If they can’t continue to build you up, drive you like you did yourself before they came along then they may not be it for you.  Don’t be sad or think all hope is gone cause it’s not maybe there destiny is just not lined up with yours.  And also don’t lose yourself worth, identity or celibacy just to receive this temporary fix that pulls you farther and farther away from the will of God.  Not everyone is WORTHY to take or get what you got; cherish it and focus on pleasing God.  Know that one day when its time and you have started to fulfill those things God has given you, then he will supply you with that man you so long for and will one day have the fairytale we ladies all have dreamt about and longed for.  NEVER SETTLE for less than what God has for you and go to him with a repenting heart so that he can restore back unto you everything you need and you can get back to YOU because now I can say I’m getting back to ME and WORTH it, I sure am and so are YOU!!!