This is My desire in 2012, How about you?

 Hey Lovely Ladies,

Ok so to close out this year I figured I would talk about my view on love because this is what I’m ushering in in the New Year.  2012 will be my year to love, get love, allow love, receive love and most of all give love away to someone special and worthy of it and me.  I have noticed in this month that I have been here with my dad and stepmom that love is not lost and it is out there.  I just can’t continue to cut myself off from it.  My dad has been such a blessing because now I know and get what love is and should be like. 

At first my view was so distorted and I felt that in order for a man to love me we had to argue because that would show how much he loved me.  And also because that was some of what I saw as a child growing up with my mom and stepdad.  Dysfunction is what I call it but now as I’m in a home with a couple that has been together for going on 21 years next month and got married after a month of knowing one another I know for certain all hope is not lost.  I just got to trust God and not allow fear to overtake me as it often has.  As I read in (I John 4:18) “there is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.  He that feareth is not made perfect in love. “Please don’t allow fear to have you bound to where you can’t give or receive love that you so deserve.

So I have been single now for what I believe has been 5 years and within these 5 years I have realized a lot about myself and how much I have allowed fear and self-sabotage to keep me from a good thing.  I have decided that in 2012 I will not back down from the love that God wants to pour out to me.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the bad and believing that every man is no good but I’ve made the decision to embrace it.  Not all men are dogs set out to hurt you or corrupt your view.  But there are some out there that ultimately come to restore you and make you better and vice versa.  I’ve had such a wall up for so long feeling like no one wanted me and I really wasn’t good enough.  But thanks be unto God who always causes me to triumph in him and shows me that i am Worth it.  I’m so glad that God loves me and looks beyond my faults, flaws and sees my needs.  The most important thing I have learned is to hide myself in the Lord and let him love on me and heal my broken pieces.  And even though I know he is doing all of this I still had a block in my emotions feeling like I need to be some kind of way or have arrived in life in order for a man to fully receive me but after having the relationship talks with my daddy I realize its ok and it’s all good to be where you are.  Relationships are established to grow with someone and accomplish something’s together.

And also in my reflecting I have realized that some or most men are just as fearful as we ladies are about  being hurt so they hide behind there masculinity and acting hard.  Everybody wants to be loved in some form or fashion and I can say now in the opening or beginning of 2012, “I Am Ready for Love” like my girl India Arie sings about. (Que the video so you can feel the vibe and continue reading)

But in the meantime I’m going to continue to hide myself under the shadows of the most high and for him to present my king to me to sweep me off my feet.( my fairytale, lol) but they do come true.  This is a poem I came up with a few months ago and it is simply called L-O-V-E

              L- LIVING LIFE HAPPILY EVER AFTER

              O- OPENLY GIVING MYSELF AWAY

              V- VICARIOUSLY LIVING MY DREAMS OUT WITH YOU

              E- EVERYTHING I HOPED FOR, PRAYED FOR AND DREAMED

LOVE/ such a beautiful thing/ and you know the beauty that is love/ and is in love/ is the love of Jesus./  God is love/ so this is why/ the joining of 2 hearts/ beating endlessly for one another/ is such a lovely thing./ Now in a little girl dreams/ she sees her prince charming/ and him getting down on one knee/ and receiving her ring/ but as a woman/ she may go through her life /wondering and searching for that/ LOVE/ genuinely; unconditionally  (LOVE ) L-O-V-E

Now don’t let me put a damper to this/ because LOVE is meant for everyone/ in Gods timing. / The key is to not lose sight of LOVE/ and keep praying to receive this thing called/ LOVE. / The day that you and your king will unite as one/ but in the meantime unite with God/ for he is the keeper of your soul/ and there is no LOVE greater than the LOVE he shows. (LOVE) L-O-V-E

So to you ladies that want this same thing I admonish you take the limits off in your mind and emotions, seek God, he will give you the desires of your heart and LOVE on yourself as well.  A man will never fully know how to love you unless you first know how to love yourself.  (And to the ladies that already have there Boaz, im so happy for you!!!  Love on one another and remember to keep God as the head and dont get in his way.  Submission (I know alot of you may not like this word, lol) but it is what we are required to do so be submissive and continue to be blessed with a healthy and successful marriage.)   And also remember as always that you are Worth it.