Worth it, i am.

  Hey Lovely Ladies, Ok so to close out this year I figured I would talk about my view on love because this is what I’m ushering in in the New Year.   2012 will be my year to love, get love, allow love, receive love and most of all give love away to someone special and worthy of it and me.   I have noticed in this month that I have been here with my dad and stepmom that love is not lost and it is out there.   I just can’t continue to cut myself off from it.   My dad has been such a blessing because now I know and get what love is and should be like.   At first my view was so distorted and I felt that in order for a man to love me we had to argue because that would show how much he loved me.   And also because that was some of what I saw as a child growing up with my mom and stepdad.   Dysfunction is what I call it but now as I’m in a home with a couple that has been together for going on 21 years next month and got married after a month of knowing one another I know for certai

Hello Beautiful Ladies, Ok so it’s one of those nights that I am up and am reflecting on my life.   The year is coming to a close and Lord knows I am so happy to have seen and gone through all that I have.   It has most definitely been a process and a lot of growing up.   Now I told you in one of my blogs that I was going to take you on a journey pretty much of the events and things that life has been like in the last few months before my leaving LA.   I can’t help but become sad at the thought of all the relationships that have ended that I thought would last forever. I had two very close friends out in LA and we were tight like glue until the idea of us living together came into play.   I struggled so badly in the friendships after becoming roommates.   I guess it’s better to live apart than together cause if so maybe those relationships or friendships would have lasted.   Well maybe not cause all that happened, happened just the way God intended for it too.   So my last week befo

Hey Ladies, Ok, so today I’m stuck in the house cause it is snowing again, so what better way to utilize my time than to write another blog post.   Any who, I have been having several people ask me “Selina, why you leave LA?”,   Well here’s how the story goes. I was working my temp job at Kaiser when my bosses came to me and said “Selina we are going to give you another month here and after that we are going to end your position so we just wanted to give you time to find something else.”   I was really appreciative to them because they didn’t have to do that.   They could have just said today’s your last day and in actuality I knew the time was drawing near.    So after that happened I was at school cause at that time   I was in school to become a Licensed Esthetician just to add something else to my resume and my career path when I received a text from my former roommate telling me she had put in a 30 day notice without formally having a talk about it.   I already knew things we

Hey Ladies, Ok, this topic that I want to discuss is in reference to something that happened in my past years ago and for some reason or another God has really been putting it on my heart to speak about it.   You know the first step to getting through and healing from a situation you have to be willing to share your story and one thing you Ladies know is that I don’t have a problem exposing myself.   I want to give a disclaimer now before I even go into it and apologize to any of you if this happens to offend you. So let me take you back to the year 2000.   I was in my senior year of high school and I believe it may have been April when I decided I was going to go to our schools Wellness Clinic to get on Birth Control again.   I remember that day like it was yesterday.   I went and spoke with Mrs.   Mitchell that was at the front desk and said I needed to see the doctor.   She called me back and I remember telling her what I wanted and she was like “well first let’s do a preg

Hey Everyone,     I know it’s been a while, and honestly, I’m not sure where to begin. My life the last few months has been a trip and I really didn’t know how I was going to get through it. You would think just from previous blogs that life and times had been trying, but this time around seemed to be on a whole other level. I guess in this blog I will just take it back and work my way forward.     So I survived my 1 st year in LA.   My year started with a bang as I was out every day grinding trying to find work.   Now keep in mind when I left Little Rock, I left behind all the stability I had to come out and chase a dream that I wasn’t that sure about or would work out but my faith pushed me to just step out and press my way through.   The first week of my arrival to LA I set out to find a makeup gig, so I went to the Beverly Center Mall which is considered to be a more upscale establishment, I had my makeup beat and my resume in tow and I was determined to walk away with a job

Hi Ladies, OK just sitting here at work thinking about the events of my life and all that has taken place in my transition to Cali.   Let me take you through the course of things that had taken place.   I remember I touched down in Houston, TX on Sept. 26 on my way to California when I ran into the most handsome Light Bright Man, lol I had ever seen and we sat and ate Wendy’s together and talked for a while just long enough for me to find out that he does a lot of business in and out of LA (which was where I was going).   So we exchanged numbers quite naturally and I went about my way.   We would sporadically text from time to time but nothing in depth just Hi’s.   Til one day he called me up and was like I'm in town, “let’s get together.”   All I could think was OK great. I have been here in this apartment lonely and finally some male company.   YES!!!   We got together that same day and hung out.   I met him at his hotel room and from there we left and went to the Hollywood Bowl

Hello Blessed Ladies, Have any of you ever contemplated or played with the idea of pornography?  Well, for me this thought came to mind a few months back.  Allow me to take you into my world and into my thoughts.  After being here in Cali for 5 months, my mind was really messed up because I was enduring so much struggle just to be here.  I was sleeping on an air mattress that started to deflate as well as using other peoples blankets to keep warm,because I had a light bill that was over $500 due to the fact that I was running my heat, had roaches, facing eviction from my apartment, was not working as much with my freelance job and the search for a job was very discouraging due to the lack of employment here in LA.  I feared that the thought of seriously doing porn would become my reality because I already struggled with this thought before I even left Little Rock.  I knew Los Angeles was the porn capitol and began thinking, "ok, if all fails, I can just become a PORN STAR.&quo

Hello Everyones, This blog is a follow up to my previous blog titled, "Not your Typical Fathers Day Message".   I have been meaning to get this up for quite sometime now but life has been happening.  In this blog you will see my Dad's response to what I posted.  I know personal, huh.  But the first step to healing is being transparent and not afraid to allow people to see you for who you really are and what you have gone through.  Selina, To begin with, I want you to know how proud of you I am. I’m especially proud of how you’re allowing yourself to move forward with your life and truly working on putting the past behind you. I know it wasn’t easy for you growing up without me and I NEVER wanted that to happen but circumstances and life just seem to play a part in killing the best laid plans. When you were born, it was probably one of the happiest days of my life. You were MY daughter.   Without getting into details, I’ll just tell you that for the next few years, before

" Our Father who art in Heaven hallowed would be thy name. " Are you wondering why I underlined Father well a wise man once said that its hard to really have a committed relationship with the Father if your natural Father really wasn't around. You lack consistency with reading the word because there was no consistency with your Father. (I'm paraphrasing)  And you know what at first I couldn't quite understand that but then a light bulb went off and I had finally got it. Let me take you on a journey,  I remember it like it was yesterday I was at Ms.  Nickel's house, (my then babysitter) and I was in the backyard playing with the rest of the kids, I had to be about 3 years old.  When I saw the first man that I had ever laid eyes on walking up the alley way.  I believe I was so excited because from what I hear I was a daddy's girl.  My daddy called me to the metal fence and told me that he loved me and gave me a kiss and proceeded to walk away and from th

Good Day Ladies, I was just sitting here thinking over last Saturday and the thoughts and feelings I was having.  I was so emotional and it started earlier that week. I had had a great conversation with my mom that was very healing because for so long I never fully knew who she was but once everything was brought out into the open I went into a depression because I started to realize that I didnt fully know who I was because of her not fully expressing who she was,  she wasnt capable of helping me figure out my own life.   At times, I would go through the mind battles of feeling unworthy and not good enough. As a matter of fact I had a photo shoot a while ago and was insulted because I wasnt "fit enough."  This comment came from someone that I considered to be influential in my life and it wasnt really about what they said but more or less how they said it.  Wait I take that back it was very hurtful.  I had previously had a conversation with them so they knew where my mind s